Good times with Windows

Fresh out of my steaming pile of a PC...

Oh Vista

you're so fine

you like to bluescreen all the time

Hey Vista!

The wrong kind of science fiction

Caught this one on the TV and I'm glad I didn't shell out rental money.

In the usual fashion of Hollywood movies, separate camps managed to magically and coincidentally make two similarly themed movies in near proximity to each other. This leaves us with movies such as Deep Impact and Armageddon, Madagascar and The Wild, Mission to Mars and...well...Red Planet.

Usually one of the movies is moderately decent and the other is a bit of a turkey. Unfortunately here, Mission to Mars was the better of the two.

What made that one better, you ask. After all, that one actually had the face on Mars BE a face on Mars. A bit far fetched, right? Well, the difference was, they went for the out-there premise of aliens and just let loose with the science fiction already. Red Planet, unfortunately, tried to be more serious about the whole affair and it just doesn't come across as even remotely believable.

Let's cover the basic plot, then we'll take a look at some spoilers (I'll give fair warning later). In this installment, Earth is dying. People, as usual in these types of movies, have done too much, gone too far, and now, in 2057 or thereabouts, Mars is our last best hope. Six months prior to our crew's arrival, an entire living pod/terraforming project has been put into place complete with hydroponic green houses and such, expected to be ready to go when humans finally arrive.

Our crew, 5 men and 1 woman (riiiiiight) set off for, and arrive at Mars. Shortly after achieving orbit, a solar flare or gamma burst or some sort of anomaly causes havoc and the end result is the 5 men taking the Mars lander to the surface while the woman who stays behind struggles to get the orbiter back up to an operational state.

Did I mention they also brought along an autonomous robot who comes equipped with two modes? Civilian and (BUM Bum bum) Military mode??? Wonder if that'll come into the plot somewhere.

This movie is the Mars mission equivalent of The Core. You've been warned. I wouldn't recommend spending money on it.

Needless to say, everything that can go wrong does go wrong. So, who lives, who dies, who cares... Now, on to the spoilers.

First, I'm kinda wore out on the idea that, on these types of missions, the writers really just can't help but include some military mechanism to add drama. We have 5 people stranded on the surface of Mars, the habitat module they were planning on living in for a good year-plus has been utterly destroyed, they couldn't be more screwed, but wait, the scientific robot they brought along is malfunctioning and in military hunt-and-kill mode. It brings to mind the absolutely ridiculous Gatling gun they saw fit to send up in Armageddon. Why is this extra drama needed? My guess? Lazy writing.

We finally figure out what destroyed the habitat module at the end, and upon reflection, I can't think of any good reason why this would've occurred. Some bugs that developed (in VERY rapid form...they really must have been laying dormant for eons) consumed all plant life and potentially oxygen supplied that were sent down to the surface. I'm fine with that part, but the habitat is completely and utterly shredded, something these critters wouldn't have taken the time to do.

I'm all for Carrie-Anne Moss getting nekked, but in this attempt at a serious movie, it really didn't make any sense.

The Mars terraforming attempt failed by all accounts mere months prior to the landing, yet upon running out of O2 the crew makes the startling discovery that Mars now has breathable air! No kidding!

Val Kilmer, engineer extraordinaire, can get his helmet to open due to the space-suit gloves he has on, but somehow manages, while wearing said suit, to fashion a working radio out of a solar panel, old modem, and other scrap parts taken out of a 50-year-old Mars rover, long since defunct.

Basically the major plot points are just too annoyingly implausible in this serious framework to allow a person to really settle in and get absorbed in the story. I wanted to like it, but ultimately was just happy to see the end credits.

Subtle by all accounts

The second installment in the His Dark Materials trilogy is The Subtle Knife. The whole purpose here is to move the story along, bridge the gap between the first and third installment, and keep the reader interested. So, how'd it do?

Using Merriam-Webster's definition for "subtle", I'm inclined to go with "highly skillful" or "cunningly made or contrived." The author is juggling a lot of balls at this point and manages, in my opinion, to keep it all reigned in while ratcheting up the suspense and making me wonder how it's all going to turn out.

When we left Northern Lights, Lyra was leaving her world. When we start out here, we're picking up in a world that is a crossroads between the one she left and countless others. It's here that she meets up with Will, a boy a bit older than herself who has his own collection of problems. The two kids' destinies are woven together and they proceed on a voyage of discovery that neither would've chosen, but that neither can now refuse, all of which seems to be leading to an inevitable war-to-end-all-wars between those who would seek to control and oppress, and those who seek ultimate freedom.

I'm thus far enjoying the story and would still recommend giving these a read.

Alan Rickman double feature!

I don't think I'll be giving away any surprises by saying that Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street is not a happy film. One could even go so far as to say it's a rather unhappy film, though it does indeed have a fair element of dark comedy as well.

Johnny Depp plays the main character, Captain Jack Sparrow...  oh...hang on...wrong review. No, he of course plays Sweeney Todd, the proprietor of a tonsorial parlor which happens to be on Fleet Street, and the service of which is rather sinister, dare I say demonic in nature.  You see, Sweeney Todd used to be Benjamin Barker some years before...a happy barber with a wife and very young daughter who had all of that taken away, falsely imprisoned, whilst covetous Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) sought the affections of his wife. Upon release from prison, he returned under the name Todd to plot and exact his revenge.

He is assisted in his endeavors by the deliciously twisted (as always) Helena Bonham Carter, who plays Mrs. Lovett, the proprietor of Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies. Rounding out the cast we have some interesting supporting characters. Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew from the Harry Potter movies) is Beadle, not-nice-guy assistant to Turpin, and there's a great surprise in the character Pirelli portrayed wonderfully by Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat).

I should mention that this is a musical, and all of the main characters sing, and people burst into song at very regular intervals. We had reservations about some of these folks singing, but they all did just fine. That said, it's an unusual, dark, and VERY gory story for a musical. The bloodshed is of the type that can make a person feel physically ill.

So, would I recommend it? Well, there's a list of criteria I'd say you may want to check off first to help you decide. The film is most definitely a Tim Burton film. If you like his style, that's a plus. I mentioned the gore-factor. If you can handle a quite bloody movie, that's another plus for watching this. It's awkward to watch, in that it's gruesome AND it's a musical...if that sounds to your liking, another plus. If you're still reading this bit, then you may want to give it a go. The acting and performances are really good, the singing is good, the songs are often clever, and the film looks great, so it's really a matter of whether or not you like the content. It's also not a bad move at all to have a good light-hearted follow-up movie.

Which sounds like a fabulous segue to Galaxy Quest!

This is a pretty cute movie which pokes quite a lot of light-hearted fun at the science fiction genre of film and television. The plot poses the scenario of a distant alien civilization in turmoil, modeling their entire society after episodes of the sci-fi series "Galaxy Quest", episodes that they incorrectly interpret to be historical documentation of our civilization. Tim Allen, Alan Rickman, Sigourney Weaver and others are all actors from the "Galaxy Quest" series who are subsequently contacted by the Thermians who, after much success in basing their society on the operations of the series, now seek out the characters to help them resolve a dispute with a hostile enemy civilization.

Some of the funnier bits in my opinion are when the actors, now in real-life peril, express concern for the "extra" and the likelihood that he'll be the first one to die, and also when they're confronted with a totally unnecessary challenge that only exists because it was used as a plot device years ago in their own show (diligently replicated by the Thermians for historical accuracy).

Overall, it was a pretty funny film and a nice way to tone down the after affects of Sweeney Todd.