The wrong kind of science fiction

Caught this one on the TV and I'm glad I didn't shell out rental money.

In the usual fashion of Hollywood movies, separate camps managed to magically and coincidentally make two similarly themed movies in near proximity to each other. This leaves us with movies such as Deep Impact and Armageddon, Madagascar and The Wild, Mission to Mars and...well...Red Planet.

Usually one of the movies is moderately decent and the other is a bit of a turkey. Unfortunately here, Mission to Mars was the better of the two.

What made that one better, you ask. After all, that one actually had the face on Mars BE a face on Mars. A bit far fetched, right? Well, the difference was, they went for the out-there premise of aliens and just let loose with the science fiction already. Red Planet, unfortunately, tried to be more serious about the whole affair and it just doesn't come across as even remotely believable.

Let's cover the basic plot, then we'll take a look at some spoilers (I'll give fair warning later). In this installment, Earth is dying. People, as usual in these types of movies, have done too much, gone too far, and now, in 2057 or thereabouts, Mars is our last best hope. Six months prior to our crew's arrival, an entire living pod/terraforming project has been put into place complete with hydroponic green houses and such, expected to be ready to go when humans finally arrive.

Our crew, 5 men and 1 woman (riiiiiight) set off for, and arrive at Mars. Shortly after achieving orbit, a solar flare or gamma burst or some sort of anomaly causes havoc and the end result is the 5 men taking the Mars lander to the surface while the woman who stays behind struggles to get the orbiter back up to an operational state.

Did I mention they also brought along an autonomous robot who comes equipped with two modes? Civilian and (BUM Bum bum) Military mode??? Wonder if that'll come into the plot somewhere.

This movie is the Mars mission equivalent of The Core. You've been warned. I wouldn't recommend spending money on it.

Needless to say, everything that can go wrong does go wrong. So, who lives, who dies, who cares... Now, on to the spoilers.

First, I'm kinda wore out on the idea that, on these types of missions, the writers really just can't help but include some military mechanism to add drama. We have 5 people stranded on the surface of Mars, the habitat module they were planning on living in for a good year-plus has been utterly destroyed, they couldn't be more screwed, but wait, the scientific robot they brought along is malfunctioning and in military hunt-and-kill mode. It brings to mind the absolutely ridiculous Gatling gun they saw fit to send up in Armageddon. Why is this extra drama needed? My guess? Lazy writing.

We finally figure out what destroyed the habitat module at the end, and upon reflection, I can't think of any good reason why this would've occurred. Some bugs that developed (in VERY rapid form...they really must have been laying dormant for eons) consumed all plant life and potentially oxygen supplied that were sent down to the surface. I'm fine with that part, but the habitat is completely and utterly shredded, something these critters wouldn't have taken the time to do.

I'm all for Carrie-Anne Moss getting nekked, but in this attempt at a serious movie, it really didn't make any sense.

The Mars terraforming attempt failed by all accounts mere months prior to the landing, yet upon running out of O2 the crew makes the startling discovery that Mars now has breathable air! No kidding!

Val Kilmer, engineer extraordinaire, can get his helmet to open due to the space-suit gloves he has on, but somehow manages, while wearing said suit, to fashion a working radio out of a solar panel, old modem, and other scrap parts taken out of a 50-year-old Mars rover, long since defunct.

Basically the major plot points are just too annoyingly implausible in this serious framework to allow a person to really settle in and get absorbed in the story. I wanted to like it, but ultimately was just happy to see the end credits.