Popcorn chic

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets is junk cinema at its finest. This is the movie equivalent to one of those toys you get out of a vending machine when you’re a kid. It’s fun while you’re there, but pretty forgettable otherwise.

Here we find Nicholas Cage reprising his role of Nicholas Cage playing the same character as in every other movie he’s in, but this time going by the nickname of Benjamin Franklin Gates. The mere cheesiness of his name pretty much defines his role in life as one who solves convoluted government-conspiracy-related puzzles. What luck then that he finds himself in this movie.

Still riding on their high from the first movie, we come in on Nick and his lady in a domestic dispute, their wise-cracking sidekick seriously owing on taxes he neglected to pay, and an ancient family member up the family tree suddenly being revealed to being a potential co-conspirator in the Abraham Lincoln assassination. Knowing that his ancestors are just as upstanding, truthful, and honest as himself, Cage proceeds to take off his leather glove, slap the accuser Ed Harris across the face, and challenges him to a duel. I made that last part up, but it would’ve been way more awesome than what really happened.

After this point, there’ll be some spoilers introduced, so before I go down that road, I’ll just say that this is standard Bruckheimer fare, and a fun little romp if you don’t over think it too much. If you DON’T watch it, you’re not missing too much either. Now, to the spoilers.

Ed Harris introduces some long-lost artifact for the express purpose of goading Cage into seeking out and then finding the lost city of gold. This city of legend was first witnessed by a European who, stranded on the coast of Florida, was taken in by Native Americans in the area who took him to the city of gold…which we ultimately discover is underground. The ground that it’s under is in the Black Hills of South Dakota. A quick look at any map of the U.S., combined with a grade-school grasp of the many different Native American tribes across the U.S. back during very early European settlement, plus the sheer distance when you’re pretty much on foot, and this scenario is completely and utterly ridiculous. (or, the natives from the Florida area had some awesome summer homes up north and had a mastery of air travel that has since been lost to the ravages of history) Oh, and they fairly easily and with minimal setup manage to break into Buckingham Palace AND the Oval Office, AND…AND…temporarily kidnap the President. Yeah, that’s happening.

All manner of catching up…

It’s been a long time since the last post, but I’m hoping to make up for it with a mega-review. I have 5, yes 5 movies and 2 books to cover here. Perhaps if I shortchange each one just a bit, nobody will notice.

Starting us off is the Tim Burton rendition of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring (who else) Johnny Depp. Conventional wisdom says that the combination of these two is often pretty entertaining, so how’d they do in this outing?

This is not your father’s Gene Wilder version, that much is certain. Depp steps into the role of Willy Wonka and takes the character several steps of eccentricity further than Wilder. There’s a whole back-story of Willy’s childhood added, and the oompa loompas get retooled as well. The back-story, ok, the oompa loompas though were highly annoying. Fortunately, they’re only around 3 or 4 times, relatively briefly. Other stars of note include the annoying main character from Spiderwick Chronicles and AnnaSophia Robb of Race to Witch Mountain and Winn Dixie fame.

Overall, I expected to really not like it, but found it entertaining despite my preconceptions. If you’re a fan of Burton’s work, it may be worth a look.

If you’re a fan of Cornelia Funke’s Inkheart books though, I hear you may want to avoid the movie adaptation of the same name. I haven’t read the books, and therefore found reasonable entertainment value from the movie. I’m not sure how to describe Brendan Frasier movies except to say he’s one of the more bankable stars in Hollywood because his movies generally make some pretty decent bread, even though he himself has never really climbed (probably fortunately for him) into that “stalked by the paparazzi” level of fame. He’s the kind of actor where by now ya know pretty much what to expect when ya go see one of his movies.

Anyhoo, in this movie Frasier plays the main character in the book, Mo, who is a silvertongue. That is, when he reads aloud, characters and events exit said book and proceed to do their business in our world. The effects are pretty decent, and we have Paul Bettany, Helen Mirren, and Andy Serkis rounding out the cast for (if you haven’t read the book) a fun story. So, if you plan to read the book, watch the movie first.

 Still lagging behind in my Twilight mania, I got around to watching the second installment New Moon (now with 4% more Dakota Fanning) where we meet up with Edward’s (Pattinson) competition Jacob (Taylor Lautner), who, while he doesn’t possess Edward’s aloof brooding qualities does have a few niceties that Edward lacks, namely a body temperature, an enjoyable personality, a seriously toned physique, and the ability to act like a normal person. Wonder of wonders, Bella (Stewart) ultimately shuns these stupid qualities for the seriously negative relationship environment she inhabits with Edward. These movies so far are mildly entertaining when viewed as comedies, but it’s tough for this old coot to grasp the appeal of a pasty scrawny diseased-looking Edward to the masses of raving young ladies hitting the theaters.

The absolute best line so far during the first movie, when Edward is finally talking to Bella enough to explain why he has such tough control issues around her (her intoxicating scent) comes from my son, who, seeing an opportunity to combine this tender moment with the adorable Dug from Up says “I can smell you.” THAT is comedy gold. Honestly, my opinion is not likely to influence whether you watch this series or not, other hype has probably already done that. Me, I can take ‘em or leave ‘em so far. Though it does sound like the final installment (Part 4?), if adapted with religious application of the source material, should be pretty messed up.

Planet 51 is an oddity. On initial viewing, it was pretty cute and has some good moments and is generally filed on the good side of computer animated features. I’m probably putting too much of my own baggage on this thing (as I haven’t heard the kids mention these things at all), but in retrospect it feels like a missed opportunity. Our hero (Dwayne Johnson) lands on the vacant Planet 51 only to discover that it’s inhabited in a very earth-like fashion by humanoid creatures that speak English. The astronaut is a throwback in the sense that he’s the jock test-pilot type and not particularly scientifically minded. The main alien character (Justin Long) ultimately befriends the wayward astronaut even as the planet’s government tries to hunt him down. The main hole for me is, he finally takes off in the end to head home…and that’s the end. I have no idea if a sequel is/was planned, but there’s zero tie-in with any extended cultural exchange or any such nonsense.

This movie was made in Spain and apparently took 7 YEARS to make it to the finish line. It would’ve been nice to have a stronger story, but it’s enjoyable for the kids and has some laughs for the adults here and there.

 Speaking of laughs for the adults, Role Models is some pretty funny stuff. In this mirthful tale, Danny (Paul Rudd) and his co-worker Wheeler (Sean William Scott) are a couple of energy drink product promoters (Minotaur:  Taste the Beast!) who travel around to area school giving motivational talks about choosing energy drinks over drugs. While Wheeler couldn’t think of anything better to do with his time (than dress up like a Minotaur and swill energy drinks all day after a hard night of partying), Danny feels like he’s in a dead end. A really bad day results in the two of them facing the choice of prison time or lengthy community service. They opt for service and find themselves paired up with some rather challenging kids as their mentors with an organization run by the always funny Jane Lynch.

Make no mistake, this is a raunchy comedy with highly colorful language (think Knocked Up and others). It’s a pretty funny flick and even has some moments of heart that are pretty nice, and if you enjoy movies like 40 Year Old Virgin, you’d probably get a kick out of this one too.

Switching over to books, I’ve recently finished The Talisman. It wasn’t originally on my list, but my wife had picked up a cheap copy of Black House (also by King and Straub) which I quickly learned was a follow-up to The Talisman, so, better read that first I suppose.

This book’s a pretty epic fantasy tale which introduces our main character Jack Sawyer, a boy who sets out on a quest for the talisman with the hopes of saving the life of his mother, who is dying of cancer. A long time family friend who was once in business with his now-deceased father turns out to not be a very nice guy, and he has a vested interest in keeping Jack from succeeding with his plans.

The flow of the novel is engaging and King and Straub weave a very enjoyable (if often dark) tale of good, evil, and the many battles thereof. The story wrapped up pretty well and really didn’t seem to lag much at any point. This one’s been a popular book for some time now and for good reason. If you enjoy King’s other work, this one is worth a read. (I am at this point not too familiar with Peter Straub)

 I’m only somewhat more familiar with Robert Louis Stevenson, having read Robinson Crusoe some time back. At the time I recall thinking that Crusoe was a challenging read at times because the language and structure is definitely from a different time and place. This follows through with Treasure Island as well.

In Treasure Island, we find our hero young Jim Hawkins working at an Inn. Through circumstance a rather unsavory pirate takes up residence at the Inn, exercising all manner of obnoxiousness and paranoia until such point as he croaks, leaving behind a chest containing an assortment of odd items. This is the beginning of a series of events that sends the young Mr. Hawkins on an adventuresome voyage to the fabled Treasure Island, complette with loads of pirates, scheming, and many daring and heroic scenes for Hawkins. I read this one to the kids, and while the language is a bit strange in modern times, we all rather enjoyed the story, and I’d say it’s worth the effort to read.