Leviticus

In the book of Leviticus, God lays down the laws for a nation. Since switching to a student New International Version Bible, there are lots of helpful annotations here and there meant to explain some of the goings on here. One such note suggests that I am to be impressed that the governing laws for a nation of people can be set down in such few pages, comparative to the legal tomes that intricately define law in countries such as the U.S.

It might be possible to actually be impressed were it not for the content. For starters, there’s an unusually lengthy section dealing with (I’m not making this up) mildew. Depending on the type, color, texture, and tenacity, that mildew could be the very undoing of a man (or at least result in destruction of their home). A very significant portion of the law library then deals with the vast number of sacrifices that must be performed in order. There are sin offerings, guilt offerings, burnt offerings, and grain offerings to name a few, most involving animal sacrifice (obviously except for the grain). Infectious skin diseases also get duly noted. Then of course the hotly debated stuff about homosexuality and shellfish. Curiously, in a book that’s been very explicit about their laws, they talk about not lying with a man as one does with a woman, but there’s no corollary for women. Do lesbians get a pass? Does the author perchance not mind that sort of thing? It’s curious indeed. These are God’s laws, so I’d challenge somebody to say that well of course that’s implied, because those same people would be just as likely to say we can’t know the mind of God (say, when innocent children suffer).

Then, we just get some oddities.

Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.

I’ve read rumor that the ban on shellfish is lifted in the New Testament somewhere. What about this clothing law? Is my cotton-poly blend Speedo a sin? (on me? sinfully delicious!)

A note on something interesting is the biblical concept of land ownership. There’s a lot of drum beating going on these days where some of the fundamentalist crowd, the kind who hold the Bible up above national law, lament the interference of big government, talk about how we simply must allow the free market to continue raping us work…the loudest ones are often pretty well off. These same folks would seem to not give much thought to Leviticus and God’s law. Ya see, back in olden times, the land belonged to God…period. The tenants (us) are allowed to do our thing, farming the land for 6 years straight, then, the 7th year is a Sabbath year. No farming, the land is allowed to rest, and God will bless us, every one. After 7 Sabbath years have gone by (49 years folks), during which much land trading, purchasing, defaulting and such have gone on, guess what happens. There’s a special jubilee wherein everyone goes back to square one. You go back to the original family allocation. The rich downsize, the poor get back in the game. Just like free market capitalism! Awesome!

In reality, God’s laws were designed to account for, and care for the poor. Even here, old testament, vengeful God, and we’re supposed to love our neighbor as ourselves.

A final note on something that requires a bit of math. According to cleanliness laws, a woman finishes menstruating (unclean), counts off 7 days, and on the 8th day must take two birds (doves or pigeons) to the priests to be sacrificed, in order to be made clean again. Pretty straight forward. One woman, one month, two birds…we’re looking at 24 birds per year. Ok, so what’s the big deal? Well, when the Israelites left Egypt, the way it reads, there were 600,000 men on foot, besides women and children. Women, it’s reasonable to assume, were roughly half the population, so we’re talking about roughly the same number of women. Let’s say a third of ‘em are working their way through menopause and cut that down to 400,000 healthy, active, menstruating women. Let’s figure them at 24 birds per year too, and that gives us 9.6 million bird sacrifices, for roughly 26,301 bird-kills per day. There must’ve been a LOT more birds around back in the day, and quite the assembly line of priests to deal with the workload, or else a lot of perpetually “unclean” women I guess. This illustrates the lack of a need for more extensive laws, as the entire system is bogged down in sacrifice, 24x7, with no hope of coming up for air since every bowel movement, menstruation, and semi-questionable facial expression requires sacrifice. Perhaps if one, instead of reaching for the toilet paper, merely grabbed a pair of doves, said a couple of Hail Moses, then tidied up, you’d kill two birds with one proverbial stone, streamlining the process.

Back to the central theme, if this is some yarn with a moral, there’s a lot of leeway. The logistics of keepin’ it real though, it’s a bit much to swallow.

Stay tuned for Numbers!

Editor's note: It was pointed out to me that back in the day, there was a high probability that women spent a lot of their time pregnant, and that my math was probably off by a fair amount. That's a very good point, so let's make some adjustments shall we? Let's be generous and assume that 90% of the ladies were with child at any given time. I'm pulling that number out of the wazoo, but it certainly seems pretty generous. That whittles our collection of monthlies down to 40,000 for roughly 960,000 bird sacrifices per year, for roughly 2630 bird sacrifices per day. Still quite a pile of bird carcasses.

Exodus

Exodus is a book in three parts. God deals harshly with the Egyptians for refusing to let the Israelites go, the Israelites wander the desert for 40 years, and God orders some fine furniture.

As mentioned previously with Genesis, the viewpoint employed during reading directly influences the meaning. Whether it’s literal truth or a story makes a big difference. In the first part of Exodus, a new Pharaoh comes to town in Egypt and decides the Israelites living among them are to be a big source of slave labor, and as a general rule, slaves don’t get the best treatment. Moses comes along and is directed by God to lead his people (the Israelites) out of bondage, out of Egypt, and to the promised land which flows bountifully with milk and honey. The way that this is done is interesting. The method, repeated several times, is this. God says, “Moses, go tell Pharaoh to let your people go, if he doesn’t agree, tell him I’ll send Plague X on the Egyptians, and oh, by the way, I’ll explicitly make Pharaoh ignore you, thus ensuring the Egyptians suffer the plague at hand.”

This is literally how it goes through locusts, water turning to blood, horrible disease, other niceties, and ultimately death.

Moses: “Pharaoh, let my people go lest you be beset with irate blue-ringed octopi!”

God: (whispering) “No Pharaoh, don’t do it, he doesn’t mean it.”

Pharaoh: “No I say. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.”

Moses: “Ok, you asked for it.”

The Egyptians: “AAAAAAAA!!! OCTOPI!!!!! Oh the humanity!”

Now, as a story trying to teach us the valuable lesson that we need to listen to God’s word, sure, this works, because hey, it’s just a story. As a literal event, let’s compare this to another example. A fundamentalist self-identified Christian does God’s holy work to the extent of killing a doctor at an abortion clinic. At this point, should God or society as a whole then condemn the Christian community as a whole? I think it’s generally agreeable that this isn’t a reasonable approach.

Pharaoh sounds like a real jerk. But, his policies and procedures are hardly indicative of Egyptians everywhere, many of whom were almost certainly good and decent people, yet just the same, God threatens punishment, then MAKES Pharaoh ignore his warnings, then proceeds to punish ALL of Egyptian society, men, women, and children with horrific plagues, and in fact kills many of them.

You have free will.

Except when you don't.

Now worship me or else.

Pharaoh lets the Israelites go after mass killings, then recants and chases after them. Moses parts the Red Sea, the Israelites make it safely across, then the Sea returns, killing Pharaoh and his army, thus spawning many movies and fulfilling the promise of Charlton Heston.

Now, though there would seem to have been many trips made in Genesis between Israel and Egypt…trips that didn’t require inordinate amounts of time…the Israelites then wandered the desert for 40 YEARS. Now, this isn’t like the Sahara or anything, but sounds more like an area of dry scrub land. Think Wyoming, but not as miserable. As a tale of Israelites learning lessons of trust in God and obedience to God, it’s great, but as a reality, it doesn’t make any sense. Much of this period is marked with Moses and some of the top brass talking with God, telling the Israelites they simply must be obedient or suffer the consequences (which you’d think would be seared into their brains after seeing the multitude of disasters that beset the Egyptians), then having to punish and wrangle said Israelites for straying and otherwise committing evil acts.

The Israelites are portrayed as a tribe with ADHD. “Wow, Moses has been gone for weeks, guess it’s time to forget everything we’ve been through up to this point and turn away from God, as surely that’ll work out well for us.” Repeatedly. So the people do things that are procedurally incorrect, they build false idols, and so on, but…nobody ever says “Hey, we’ve been in this here desert for a loooong time, what say we leave?”

All of this culminates with the Israelites constructing a golden calf which they then treat as their god and which they worship, thereby making the real God really mad. The resolution of this is nothing short of genius. The golden calf, which historians argue likely wasn’t even very large, is destroyed. Constructed in its place, by God’s decree, is a mobile tabernacle with several ornate gold-plated pieces of furniture including the Ark of the Covenant, a table and dishes, a lamp stand, and an alter. All told over a metric ton of gold and three-plus metric tons of silver (plus jewels and other lesser metals) were used. The procedures for worship are extensive, and death and exile are not far off as punishments for infractions. God is basically saying, I am too much for you to behold, so you can’t gaze at me directly, worshipping that false golden calf is evil, but you can worship at this very elaborately decorated tabernacle in which you can be assured I do reside. Not that gold…THIS gold.

Probably the main contribution of Exodus is the ten commandments, a good half of them which are good general rules of thumb whether you’re religious or not. One rule on the list, keeping the Sabbath holy, is more strict than I recall hearing through my may years of church lessons. Punishment for working on the Sabbath was death. Perhaps there are exclusionary rules later on for this sort of thing…perhaps it’s now “receiving multiple paper-cuts”, and perhaps it somehow excuses those pious “resting” folks from frequenting business establishments on that day of rest, taking advantage of the unwashed masses who’re violating this commandment. (aka. spending the day shopping)

Next up, Leviticus, in which we get a great many rules, some of which may or may not still be recalled depending on need, while others can apparently be safely ignored.

A Couple of Dicks…

…was what this movie was originally slated to be called before somebody above Kevin Smith’s head insisted on a change (or that’s how the web portrays it anyway).

Cop Out, the title and possibly a dig at whoever made the decision that the title needed to be changed, is the first action movie by Kevin Smith. The story revolves around the exploits of two detectives played by Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan in what is another addition to the buddy-cop scene. It has it’s humorous moments, many involving Seann William Scott, and generally speaking it’s entertaining. I didn’t feel that it had near the entertainment value of Clerks and will be curious to see if Smith continues in this direction.

The Thin Man

A bit of a throw-back here, made in 1934, The Thin Man stars actors I’ve maybe vaguely heard of in a movie I’ve definitely never heard of. What possessed us to watch this one? The recommendation of a friend. We weren’t disappointed.

The dialog is snappy, often comedic, and expertly delivered by the cast. Aside from the occasional expression that gives you a firm reminder or the time period (“That’s swell!”), this film has aged well.

A retired detective is drawn into a murder investigation at the behest of his sassy gal who just wants to seem him in action. He’s very reluctant to take the case, but more or less gets pulled into it anyway, using his expertise to find the killer on scant evidence.

If you can find this, it’s worth a rental. I’m honestly not sure of its availability. Our copy came from the local library.

On The Road

On The Road by Jack Kerouac is a benzedrine-driven look at what the ADHD condition might be like. The story and dialog jump around like a crow after so many shiny things, and quite honestly, it takes awhile to find the book’s rhythm so that one can actually make some sense of it.

From the sounds of it, the book is almost an autobiography of sorts, but the names were changed to…well…not protect the innocent, as the major characters are actually other famous people, but perhaps to take some additional liberties with the story and get a novel out of it. We follow the main character Sal Paradise as he makes several trips crisscrossing the U.S. and ultimately drives south to Mexico City, often with the companionship of the ultimate vagabond, Dean Moriarty.

I’ll say this for the book, it nearly gives a person the urge to hop a train or hitch-hike off to parts unknown without anything really resembling a plan. I don’t think this book is for everyone, but ultimately I found it enjoyable.

Genesis (no, not the band)

Project Bible lurched out of the gates with the Book of Genesis. This book has it all. Creation, incest, murder, amazing feats of carpentry, massive flooding, more incest, concubines, polygamy, bad parenting...you name it and this book had it. It becomes pretty apparent reading this that a person's take on it will have a lot to do with their assumptions going into it. Basically, if you're inclined to view it as a story, some notes of historical significance, or as the straight-up truth, that will color what you take away from this. I admittedly launched into this as a skeptic and non-believer, and will say once again that I'm not out to convert anybody one way or another, including myself, but merely want to see what all the hub-bub is about (as it were).

As a story, it's ok, and there's a strong emphasis on good vs. evil, with God being responsible for a lot of the good, and not involved in the evil. Historically, well, there's not much to say here. Many cultures worldwide integrate some form of flood story into their stories and religions. One could probably argue for the historical support of Abraham, as he's ultimately the source of a few major religions, including Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Also, some of the referenced cities have some basis in historic fact. That said, what makes this a more valued historic document than any other book referencing factual elements (say, The Da Vinci Code)?!

Taken as straight truth, I'd say, is arguably the most dangerous track a believer could take. God, as described to me over various years of church attendance, can do anything, is omnipotent and omnipresent, the alpha and the omega. Rewind back to Genesis and here we find God creating the entire universe, planet Earth, animals, plants, etc. This is an absolutely impressive week's work. I aim to take nothing away from that. The capstone to all of this is Adam and Eve. Sinning aside, they are to be fruitful and multiply, populating the planet with more humans. At this point Genesis gets a bit sketchy, and soon enough so and so down the line is taking a wife. Glossed over, but not far from the surface is a whole lot of incest needed to get to this point. Adam and Eve's kids didn't have another village to go to. Either "God went and created a whole bunch more people" was left out, or "the kids were doing things with their siblings and/or parents which would later become morally repugnant and genetically ill advised" was. There aren't too many more options. The population builds, God decides they're wicked, drowns everybody save for a few, and we start this same process over again. Noah, wife, and kids don't have any other people to run off and marry. So...they're making more kids somehow. Also on the list of things that aren't ok later on would be the taking of multiple wives and consorting with concubines. I also couldn't help but get the sense that God was messing with people. Abram (later Abraham), a particularly blessed person, is to multiply and father many nations, so it stands to reason that the woman he takes as his wife is barren. (what???) The wife then says, I want a kid anyway, so Abram, you go get busy with the maid. It's only after this that the wife suddenly becomes no longer barren (as mentioned, specifically due to God's intervention) and starts bearing Abram's children. I know our human intellect can't possibly fathom the purposes of our almighty Creator, but how any of this is productive in showing us that He cares about us escapes me. God basically scored Abram some more action (a form of caring for sure, but not the message the Bible is intended to spread is it? God as the ultimate wingman?). Truly this is a guy's religion. Lot also finds favor in God's eye. He and his family alone are to be spared when Sodom and Gomorrah burn. Lot, the guy who told a mob, "No, you can't have God's angels (who can likely defend themselves well enough), but you can do what you want with my two young daughters." Really. That's a real stand-up guy. Glad he's not watching MY kids.

So yes, as a story it's interesting with many of the qualities of a soap opera, and there are many opportunities for a good moral, but taken as truth, well, I take issue with too many of the assertions here to go down that road. I'm certainly willing to learn if there are some major interpretive points here I've just missed, but honestly, Genesis isn't a terribly huge book, and the language so far has been fairly straight forward.

At any rate, on to Exodus!