Race to Which Mountain?

That would be the Race to Witch Mountain.

If ya have kids, they’ll likely be entertained, but I cannot promise the same for you. If you can really let your mind go, you may enjoy it I suppose.

This is a reboot/reimagining/continuation or some such or the other of the old Witch Mountain movies of yore featuring that guy from Green Acres (aww c’mon…you’re not looking that up are you? It was Eddie Albert. For cryin’ out loud). I don’t remember much about the old movies, save that I found them creepy when I was a little kid. In retrospect, it could’ve been the cheezy special effects they used for the kids’ “super powers”. In this modern installment with full CGI goodness, we have a reformed law-breaker cab driver in Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who cracks wise, cracks heads, and is the randomly selected human helper of our two forlorn alien children. The alien children are mostly here for the chase scenes and to play straight-man for Johnson as they drive around looking for the plot while seeming to forget they have super powers until the most opportune moment to change their near-defeats to come-from-behind victories. Also, the alien boy from the original movies has a small part in this one, we get some Garry Marshall, and some sci-fi fan mockage. Oh, and yes, you can sneak in to one of the most secret and well guarded military facilities in the U.S. if you just remember to go in one of the publicized unguarded exhaust vents.

To my wife’s chagrin, all of this happens without Johnson removing his shirt even once.

We’re also treated to some awkward moments of Johnson trying to turn on the sap for scenes that are supposed to be emotional and stuff and, well, it kinda looked more like bowel distress. So far, he’s really more of a Scorpion King kind of guy.

The final verdict: if your kids talk you into renting this, fine, but do try and have other plans. Stretch out a toenail clipping session, read a book, nap, make balloon animals or something.